The Apology

Originally posted December 29th 2009 on the Guy Selga Dot Com main page.

Getting this of my chest.

With 2009 coming to an end I figure I would address a topic that changed my life forever. I haven’t spoken about this issue with very many people outside of my close circle of personal friends but I figure I would share my story to continue the healing process and to help others learn from my mistake.

What I did:

In June of this year I used a gay slur to describe a popular gaming website. Several prominent game industry websites picked up on the story and it outraged many of my colleagues in the industry.

The aftermath:

I felt the gravity of the situation when I found out some friends and coworkers that I personally know and love were hurt by what I said. Not only did I embarrass myself but I made the entire game industry look bad by showing how immature I was.

My mom found out and called me on the phone crying about how I could do something so stupid. It was a terrible feeling, have you ever had a parent tell you they were disappointed at something you did? It’s hard to explain but after this call I had a feeling of dread that I never had before. She was totally right. Looking back on what I said it was just mind-bogglingly stupid. With that said, it was not the first time I used a gay slur, which brings me to my next point…

How I’ve changed:

In the month following the situation I knew I had to make a change. After I left my place of employment I started going through my past ramblings on twitter and other various blogs and I realized I came off as a very negative and angry person. In real life I don’t feel that I am that way so I used this whole ugly event as a chance to reinvent myself as a more positive person. I look at it as a life lesson. I never gave slurs the gravity they should have.

Now that I’ve had a few months to think about what I said, I can honestly look in the mirror and say that I am a better person. I’ve changed my outlook on life and reinvented myself mentally and now think critically about what I say online and in real life.

Looking ahead:

I am truly sorry about what I said. No matter how angry I was, that kind of language should  never be used. It was unacceptable and it is something that I will regret forever. Everyone has made mistakes in their lives, and everyone has said things they wish they could take back.  I hope that everyone else will use this to learn from my mistakes.

To everyone I offended, all my former and current co-workers, my colleges in the game industry,  my friends, and my family, I hope that you will all forgive me.

Thanks, and happy New Year

-Guy Selga, Jr.